She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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