we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
