if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
