I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
