3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Randomize
