mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
