I think my fart just growled at me.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
