That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
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The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
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I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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