this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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