I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
