I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
