My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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