i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
