You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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