is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
