Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
