I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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