SEEEEXXX PLEASE
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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