I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
