I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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