all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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