Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
