Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
