He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
