I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
