Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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