I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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