I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
