sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
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He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
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She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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