Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
