Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
