he shaved USA in his pubs
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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