I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I think I sprained my soul last night
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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