it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
