You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
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i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
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Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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