I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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