Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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