"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
40s are totally the cure
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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