we have officially lost it.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
