so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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