U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
