we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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