i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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