I faked an abortion last night.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
