Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Randomize
