Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
