There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
