i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
