he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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