i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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