My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
