i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
