I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
