If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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