someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
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It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
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Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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