would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
