I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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