Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Is Oprah even human
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
