chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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