I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize