She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
