i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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