i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Randomize
