no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
