i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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